so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
