my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
