I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
