The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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