so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
