I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
