I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Randomize
