Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize