oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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