May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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