I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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