So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
thus making me awesome and them whores
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
