Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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