you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
