My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
