You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
