Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
