I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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