my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
