I want to have your abortion
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
