I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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