The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
