i already hear my dad disowning me
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
