There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
