i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
