Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
