Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
