i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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