'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
i now understand why vodka
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
