the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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