True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
