Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
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