my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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