My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
