Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize