Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Randomize
