The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Randomize
