doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
We are all done wearing pants today
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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