I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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