420 ftw
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
