Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
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