I am spending my child support on dildos
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
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