I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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