so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Randomize
