Someone shit on the floor
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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