Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
