I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
So is it bad that I'm using this 21 year old for his hot bod and utter naivety?
No its what 21 year olds are made for
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
