did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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