1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
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