Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Randomize
