Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
No I am not eating basil off your cock
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
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