hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
We had to coat check the pizza.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Please don't give away my fajitas
there is glitter all over my balls
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
