This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Randomize
