I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
