Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
