i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
