I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Randomize
