OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
