I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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