u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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