R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
