just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
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