I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
