my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
