omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
God gave him joint rollers for hands
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
