Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
