haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
You've changed since you got that strap on
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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