so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize