Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Randomize
