Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
