Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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