White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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