Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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